It’s HANDLED.
Olivia Pope- Scandal
Do you guys remember that scene in Grey’s Anatomy where Arizona talks to Callie’s dad about their relationship? I love that scene. It’s gorgeous. I love it because it is beautifully written, and also because I really related to one of the lines in it.
I’m a good man in a storm.
I wouldn’t say I always like it when everything hits the fan, but I would say it is when I am at my best. The more other people freak out, the calmer I tend to get. Disaster has always felt kind of cozy to me. When things fall apart, I tend to be the person people call. I’ve got a deep vein of Olivia Pope running through me. I own an impossibly white winter coat, and I will get things DONE.
Unless it is super logistic-y- like comparing flights or insurance quotes. Then I cannot handle it. Nope, I cannot. Then I go into, ALL IS LOST mode. That is when I turn to my Favorite and say, “Pleasehandlethis,thankyouverymuch.” And he does. I like him.
There is something in me that likes diving into a mess that most people would run from. I like tackling things, and problem solving, and working hard. I like channeling my inner gladiator from time to time.
When I think back on my time working in Special Ed classrooms, the days I look back on with the most affection are the days that probably looked the worst from the outside. Not bad days, per se, but HARD days.
We had some really hard days.
I loved those days.
That sounds weird, I know. But those were the days when everyone stepped up and was the best possible version of themselves. Those were the days when we came together as a team. And honestly, those were the days that we laughed the most. And also cried. I remember thinking, when Dolly Parton’s character in Steel Magnolias says, “Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.”- ME TOO, SISTER.
Those were the days when I would marvel at my co-workers, in communion with our kiddos on a deeper level. When we went into Us v THE WORLD mode. That sounds stressful and difficult, but there’s also something kind of awesome about it. It’s that foxhole buddy thing.
Crisis has always felt pretty comfortable to me, while I have, in the past, had a tendency to get antsy when everything’s quiet (TOO QUIET.)
I like being a good man in a storm, but I also like that crisis no longer feels so much like home to me. I am beginning to trust my happiness. I am beginning to relax into my life.
My life is starting to feel a lot like home to me.
That ain’t half bad, friends.
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This post resonated with me so hard, not just because you referenced some of my favorite pop-culture heroines (Olivia! Dolly! Truvy!) but what you say about “relaxing into your life”–I’m working on this now, and channeling my inner gladiator along the way. Thanks for the inspiration.
<3
They say that people with PTSD and other anxiety disorders are really good in a crisis because FINALLY something really is happening, our hypervigillance pays off, and that fight or flight mode we’ve been living in continuously can be put to use. I also find that I am a lot calmer and more capable when I’m taking care of children, because I’m obviously the grown-up in the situation and therefore must know what to do. When I’m by myself I tend to feel like a child wondering when the grown ups are going to show up and help me.
I don’t own a white coat, though. Maybe I should consider getting one. 🙂
I HIGHLY recommend it, Jessica. Just don’t wear it around the children…
Ha! Excellent point. 🙂
I love your blog because I relate to to on SO many levels. That scene with Callie’s dad and Arizona gets me every time. I can be a mess, but when someone else needs me, I’m a good man in the storm. You are wonderful- never stop.
There are a handful of scenes from that show that just SLAY me. I’m working on a post that has another Grey’s scene, probably my favorite of all time from the show. So good.
I felt this post. It feels good to be highly capable in crisis and comfortable living without it. Its a great sense of balance.
Side note, I once spent an afternoon watching Grey’s clips on YouTube. I was a blubbering mess! That show kills me! 🙂
Oh, Shonda. She WILL make you feel all the feels, that one.
I love this post because It’s so true. Some of the hardest days are the days that make us better and make us stronger. If we can persist through those days, we can handle almost anything.
I can so relate to this and trying to be the problem solver in the middle of crisis. I, too, took pride in tackling difficult days; I felt I was born for it! Oh, and I once wore a new, white coat to school. I left it on my chair to later find that a kid (during reading time) left a beautiful, marker masterpiece for me to always remember him by! ;p
so thoughtful of him! 😉
As I’ve said: chaos is my JAM.